Research clearly shows that the primary element contributing to success with challenging kids is a positive relationship between the child and adults in his or her life. This research also indicates that this relationship is developed most effectively when the adults set firm limits while showing sincere interest in what is unique or special about the child. That is, this relationship blossoms when adults notice and accept the youngster as a unique human being—and adults maintain high expectations for the youth’s behavior.
The One Sentence Intervention
The time to build your relationship with your child is during the calm times. One Love & Logic idea is to use the one sentence intervention. Here's how it works:
List six brief statements you can use to notice these strengths and interests: Example: “I’ve noticed you really like to draw.”
“I’ve noticed that _____________________________________________.”
“I’ve noticed that _____________________________________________.”
“I’ve noticed that _____________________________________________.”
“I’ve noticed that _____________________________________________.”
“I’ve noticed that _____________________________________________.”
“I’ve noticed that _____________________________________________.”
**Do not end the statement with something like, “...and that’s great!”
Approach the child, smile, and use the statements identified above at least two times a week for at least three weeks.
Listen to the child if he/she wants to talk about the strength or interest.
Do not use this technique when the child is upset. Save it for calm times.
When talking with your child, use the following ‘Door Openers’ to keep communication open and non-judgmental.
Door OPENERS
"What do you think?"
"Tell me more about that."
"That's a good question."
"I don't know, but I'll find out."
"I'm interested in what you are saying."
"Do you know what that means?"
"That sounds important to you."
"Do you want to talk about it?"
"I'm here when you want to talk."
“What do you think you would do if…?”
“How was your day?”
“What did you like the best about…?”
“Then what happened?”
“How do you feel about…?”
Door SLAMMERS
"Don't talk to me in that tone of voice!"
"No."
"You are too young to understand."
"If you say that again, I'll … "
"That's none of your business."
"I don't care what your friends are doing!"
"We'll talk about that when you need to know."
"That's just for boys/girls."
"Why are you asking me that?"
"You don't need to know about that."
“Because I said so.”
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